"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
