you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
