I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
its liver damage thursday
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
