i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
