i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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