I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
