I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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