i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
