Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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