You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm gonna fight the coyote
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
