She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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