Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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