Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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