Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
