I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize