haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
