Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
