she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
