Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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