you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
