It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
