i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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