You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
