so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
