I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
