a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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