We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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