I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
