I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
