the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
