so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
