I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
