if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
