Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize