Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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