all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
