I will die if light touches me.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
