i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize