He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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