U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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