When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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