you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize