He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
