I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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