I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
