Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
