yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize