I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
