arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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