whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
