i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
