when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
