What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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