she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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