break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
