You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
