She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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