i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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