it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
