sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Randomize
