yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm at about main and main street
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
