Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
