I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Randomize
