By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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