you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
