How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
