we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
