my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
