Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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