i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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