Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
