Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize