I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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