Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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