Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
