it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
