My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
