and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
