Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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