She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
