You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
