hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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