jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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