I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
