i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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