mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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