Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
