There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
last night I used snow as a chaser
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
