I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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